I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
