Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Holy shit dude........stairs
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