do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
