i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
