Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
