I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
