no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Still dying that you shit outside
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
