I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
