her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
