she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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