watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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