then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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