Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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