Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
