If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
