i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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