Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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