I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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