i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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