My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
