To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
