I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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