he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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