Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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