This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
