Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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