dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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