Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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