And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
