May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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