no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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