My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
