First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
