I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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