you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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