My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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