but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
