Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
