I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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