i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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