Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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