This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
