i think my mom watched the whole time
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
