omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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