I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
