forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
