fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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