I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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