Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize