I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
