She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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