The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
