two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
