and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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