We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
