I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
