If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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