Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
