somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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