apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
