Umm I'm too high to move.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
